RESULTS – Microcosms 7

Wow! You guys are amazing. I know both judges had a really hard time choosing this week. Craig said, “Fantastic work by everyone this week, so many great stories to choose from!” And Firdaus said, “I had no idea how difficult it is to judge. I must say, all the entries were unique and I loved them all. I kept jumping back and forth between them. I wish I could give everyone a gold star. You folk rock!”


A HUGE thanks to both of them, btw, Craig A and Firdaus Parvez.


All right. Let’s get to it. 🙂


Honorable Mentions

Holly Geely – Wedding Killer

This story was picked by both judges. Great job!

Comments from Craig A: This story played with our expectations from the prompt to introduce a really fun twist. I immediately assumed some depraved act of cannibalism, but of course it’s just Ronald going to town on the meat buffet. The punch line is saved for the very end, flipping the story from menacing to hilarious in a heartbeat.

Comments from Firdaus: Murderated! Murder plus ate. What a combo. Fantabulous!

Sal Page – Bless Him

Comments from Craig A: I loved this story of the considerate serial killer, he sounds like a really great husband apart from all the secret murdering! It’s a great reminder that your ‘villains’ don’t always have to be moustache twirling sociopaths.

Avalina Kreska – A Cutting Remark

Comments from Craig A: I really enjoyed the idea of Serial Killers Anonymous, can you imagine the annual BBQ party! This was another story that kept the twist until the last line and it immediately made me want to read the story again.

Daisy Warwick – Trade Hazzards

Comments from Firdaus: This had me choking with laughter. Obnoxiously funny. Well done!

Carlos – Little Girl’s Dreams

Comments from Firdaus: The language was so beautiful. The analogy of a gory scene with flowers was genius. Lovely!

Steph Ellis – My Memorial Diamond

Comments from Firdaus: An intriguing story, starting off so sweetly and ending in horror. Great writing!

Voima Oy – My Gothic Valentine

Comments from Firdaus: There’s only one word for it-beautiful! Black roses, white dress, drops of red pearls, pipe organ playing-a crescendo. This is poetry. Wow!


Runners Up

Brady Koch – Wedding Day Tradition

This story was chosen by both judges. Well done!

Comments from Craig A: Brady found a unique hook for his story, twisting the old wedding traditions of something old, new, borrowed and blue from the point of view of a couple of serial killers. This was a great way to trivialize the very brutal acts described into a simple shopping list. These terrible deeds are mentioned in such a casual way, which helps to show just how far gone our soon to be newlyweds are, for example Something old. . .The locket from the dead waitress in Des Moines. Check. This total lack of empathy is further emphasized when our lead realizes they are still missing something blue. Poor Elvis doesn’t stand a chance.

Comments from Firdaus: The checklist was awesome gruesome! A wedding definitely fit for serial killers. A well written piece. Loved it.

Steph Ellis – My Memorial Diamond

Comments from Craig A: I really enjoyed Stepahnies story, based on a spin of jeweller, flower shop, horror. There’s some great language at play here. the blush he had cultivated creeping readily over her is a good example, on first read it sounds innocent enough, almost sweet, but once you know his intentions it becomes far more sinister. The turning point in the middle also came as a complete shock, I naively thought that Maria was going to be the recipient of the afore mentioned jewel, not the key ingredient!


Favorite Lines

Before we get to our winners, here are Craig’s favorite lines from this week. 🙂

Plotting, scheming and murder can be…murder on your health – Bill Engleson

The groom fell on his side, and the petals pooled on the floor around him – Carlos

Sure, he killed twenty-three women but he’s always treated me like a Queen, bless him – Sal Page

The need to rend flesh bubbled up somewhere between “Do you” and “I do.” – Holly Geely

Remember, if you dream of someone, if your pulse quickens when you see them smile, call our hotline now – A V Laidlaw

“Wh-why’re they called waiters? We do the bloody waiting!” – Geoff Holme

Dave was urgently trying to recall whether he’d dropped some acid the night before – A J Walker

I cradled her soft in my toffeed arms, recollected her droll pre-bonbon charms. – Bill Engleson

The thorns stab my fingers, drops of red pearls – Voima Oy

Ninety minutes for a human to be turned to ash, he thought, nine months to birth a jewel – Stephanie Ellis

No one remotely religious in his family unless you counted Uncle Bob who always called on God when he placed a bet – Stella Turner

‘My names Ted; I’m a serial killer, it’s been five years since I last killed someone.’ – Avalina Kreska

He supposed his fiance’s blood-flecked pumps from the massacre in Tulsa were loaners – Brady Koch

The troll cocked his head as the camel farted – Daisy Warwick

The moment he found the perfect booger, he heard someone scream – Dana Faletti


And now, without further ado, I present to you the winners of Microcosms 7.

(insert drumroll here)


Community Pick

Sal Page – Bless Him

This story was also chosen by one of our judges – awesome! We’ll let you read it below. 🙂


Judges’ Picks


Bill Engleson – Wedded Miss

Comments from Craig A: This story had me chuckling right out of the gate. Rhyming sonnets can be really hard to pull off, often the story suffers at the expense of finding two words that rhyme and jamming them in, but I never felt that way with Bill’s story. You could just as easily rearrange this one into paragraphs and it would still tell a great story.

The first line is a solid start and sets up the premise and the tone really nicely. From there the catastrophe unfolds, with some really fun couplets. Three hundred pounds of chocolate fudge, had buried her deep in soggy cake sludge and I scraped the goop from her fudgied face, her dress tarnished tan, such pleasing white lace are both great examples of lines that pull double duty, making you laugh while also progressing this murder mystery. Fudgied face, toffeed arms and pre-bonbon charm paint such a vivid picture of the gruesome incident, yet maintain the playful tone. Bill does a wonderful job of balancing these contrasting elements and mixing them into a delicious batter.

The ending is the icing on the cake, with the cops busting in to shut the party down. Their lines are dry and matter of fact, a subtle change of pace to let the reader know that the fun is over. Am i the only one hoping they won’t catch the killer? Sounds like such a delicious way to go!

Wedded Miss- A Sonnet of Sorts

On the day I was to finally wed,
my stunning bride turned up awfully dead,

flattened like glass by our wedding cake,
a tad under cooked, an immense mistake.

Three hundred pounds of chocolate fudge,
had buried her deep in soggy cake sludge.

As I scrambled to be close to her side,
the breath gurgled from my dear dying bride.

I scraped the goop from her fudgied face,
her dress tarnished tan, such pleasing white lace.

I cradled her soft in my toffeed arms,
recollected her droll pre-bonbon charms.

The cops swooped in, said, “Tough luck, old bean,
Please leave the room. This is our crime scene.”

107 moments of love tragically underbaked and overwrought
@billmelaterplea
Groom; crime scene; poem


Sal Page – Bless Him

Comments from Firdaus: This was sweet, funny and had me reading it again and again. Despite his ‘profession’ the MC was just a regular guy, infact a sweet and considerate one. Fantastic take on the prompt. Great job!

Bless Him

He got down on one knee. My heart leapt. But it wasn’t a proposal. His shoelace was undone. He stood up, realised just from looking at my face, then knelt back down and asked. Bless him. Our wedding was a month later.
So considerate. When he comes in late he’s careful not to wake me. He puts his clothes in the machine, remembers to buy flowers on our anniversary. Fifty years today.
I had no idea what he was up to. A complete surprise. Of course I visit. Got to send a Valentine’s this weekend.
Sure, he killed twenty-three women but he’s always treated me like a Queen, bless him.

Serial killer – wedding – comedy
@SalnPage
110 Words
#FlashDog


Nibbles: Bite-Sized Stories for a Fast-Paced, Super-Sized World (Snack-Sized Stories Book 1)
Congratulations! Each of you will receive:


Additionally, you are both invited to judge the next round of Microcosms. Please let me know if you are interested!

RESULTS - Microcosms 8
RESULTS - Microcosms 6
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1 comment for “RESULTS – Microcosms 7

  1. 16 February 2016 at 11:36 pm

    Congratulations to all mentioned, especially judges’ picks, Bill and Sal; and well done to all who entered

    1+

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